Eulogy of Dick Malkin, Husband

 

I would like to welcome you all and thank you for coming, particularly those who have traveled from afar. Let me give you all an assignment before you leave today. We have a memory book on the table that we hope you will all contribute to. I know that Carole would have loved to be at an event where 70 of her family and friends were gathered but not at the event we are having today, but we must proceed in her absence.

 

I would like to open this service by reading a eulogy sent to me by Lyn and Jim Barber, our friends in London. We have known each other for over 40 years and have shared so many wonderful experiences with the Barbers. While Carole was going through her battle with melanoma, Jim was diagnosed with colon cancer and has been fighting his battle as well. His prognosis is not good, and we kept in touch regularly, especially Carole, supporting Jim as well as she could. She was a strong role model for him as they both dealt with their cancers, and we hope only the best for him in his future struggle.

                                                            Thank you Carole

                                                            from Lyn and Jim Barber

 

                             Thank you Carole for being Carole

                             Thank you for your friendship over 40 years

                             Thank you  for being a joy to be with

                             Thank you for your kindness and understanding

Thank you for the light hearted and thoughtful conversations  we had together

                            Thank you for showing us how to be brave during difficult times

And most of all               

                           Thank you for being a wonderful and special human being

                             We will never forget you

           

 

Carole was a wonderful wife to me, a wonderful mother to our three children and an especially wonderful grandmother to our seven grandchildren, all of whom are here today and will participate in our service. She was a loyal and caring friend to many of you in this room. She was also a dedicated and accomplished writer of fiction and memoir and a little bit of a poet too. Carole was kind and warm and would do anything she could for her family and her friends.  We spent over 50 years together, from our years at Antioch to more years in Berkeley and finally the last two years in Colorado. This time was filled with fun, laughter and much silliness but we also had to overcome hardships and sadness. She put up with a lot from me, including my marathon running years and my Wagnerian association, including 5 Ring cycles, with no complaints.  Above all, Carole was strong, courageous and brave as she dealt with the loss of a son and her cancers throughout her life. She was loved by her family and her friends and we all miss her so very much.

 

Music was special in our lives, and I have taken on the responsibility choosing two special pieces for the service, each with its own story. The first is a song by Eva Cassidy. Some of you probably know Eva from her series of recordings, which were huge successes that came out over 15 years ago. I first met Eva at the chemotherapy unit of Johns Hopkins Medical School where she was being treated for melanoma at the same time as Daniel. Eva was the same age as Daniel, lived in the Baltimore area, and was an accomplished vocalist and songwriter. She and Daniel became friends as they both went through their treatments.  Eva passed away on November 2, 1996, today’s date, and some six months before Daniel passed away. We became close friends with her parents, Barbara and Hugh Cassidy, and have continued this friendship up to now. Carole and I used the song “I Know You By Heart” at the bereavement groups we did in Emeryville and Colorado Springs and the song has now become important for me in relation to both the loss of both Daniel and Carole.

My second piece of music also not from a Wagnerian opera, and I hope you will not be disappointed. After Daniel’s death in 1997, Carole began writing poetry about him. Some of Carole’s other poetry is also on the program, but what is special about this piece written by Carole, entitled “Cello Recital,” is that a young Baltimore composer, Vicky Rudow, set it to music. Although usually performed with a cello and piano, it was originally included a narrator who would read Carole’s poem to the music. In this recording, a friend of Daniel’s, Ronald Mutchnik, is the narrator for “Cello Recital.”

 

I would like to read a short piece that I wrote shortly after Carole passed away. It is entitled   “Last Moments.”

10AM, Sunday, September 7th-

You are sleeping,

Your breath is regular and firm.

I sit next to your bed as you sleep.

I say to you “It is all right to go. I will always be with you.”
Your breath becomes fainter and weaker.

I know the end is coming.

I hold your hand and am crying as you take your last breath.

You are not alone. I will always be with you. With all my love.

 I would like to close now by lighting a candle honoring Carole’s memory.  I hope this candle will be something you can remember and will allow you to keep your kind thoughts and memories of Carole forever. Again, thank you all for being here today with us.